A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize