yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
