Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
