This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
