Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
