You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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