I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I checked into jail on foursquare
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize