he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
