She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
