my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
