I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Two words: blizzard sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
