If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize