$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up under a house in Key West
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
