Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
