Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
