i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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