**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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