end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
