ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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