it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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