Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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