I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
