Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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