i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she told me i tasted like america
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
