like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
