i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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