Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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