Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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