I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
