ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
