Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
