there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
