You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
