im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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