I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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