Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
