i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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