I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
