how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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