My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
