you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
