Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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