i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
