I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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