It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
