I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
