Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize