yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
