Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
