I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
