My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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