let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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