When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
