I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
