Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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