He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
