I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
