SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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