She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
