I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
