You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize