I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize