about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
