I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
