Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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