3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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