Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
