Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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