Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
