I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize