You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
