if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
