are you still at the devil's house?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
