I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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